Poetry Revision

As we learned about writing poems in their different genres, I thought it would be cool to write a free voice poem. So I did a very rough draft about summer to winter days. But when I looked over it, I decided to change some of my freestyle words in each stanza because its a free voice poem and I enjoy writing it.

“Summer to Winter days” (Original)

Life was full of joy,

Everyday the sun rises and sets beautifully.

Not a day goes by do I feel the need to be layered up in clothes.

How spectacular and amazing to be less stressed.

The sun never stops heating up on my skin.

Cool breeze in the afternoon with a perfect sunset view,

Nothing’s more exciting than summer.

 

But as days pass by like wind,

You see a lot of people with cold emoji’s

Wishing that they could go back to summer.

What could possibly go wrong here?

Oh the days seem weird with symptoms of winter.

Slowly but quickly, everyone begins to get the effect of winter.

 

No more hot days and disease free.

Winter has erupted.


 

“Summer to Winter days” (Revised)

Life is full of joy.

Everyday the sun rises and sets beautifully.

Not a day goes by do I feel the need to be layered up in warm and comfortable clothes.

How spectacular and amazing to be less stressed.

The sun never stops heating up on my skin.

Cool breeze in the afternoon with a perfect sunset view can make your day more peaceful and calm.

Nothing’s more exciting than summer.

 

But as the days pass by like how the wind blows away,

I see a lot of people catching cold already.

Wishing that they could go back to summer.

What could possibly go wrong here?

Oh the days seem weird with symptoms of winter.

Having to deal with cold and fever is so annoying.

Slowly but quickly, everyone begins to get the effect of winter.

 

No more hot sweaty days, parties and even washing two times a day.

Winter has interrupted.

And summer just moved on.


 

I chose to revise this poem because this genre of poem gives me more chance of writing my poem in a lot of ways. I revised my poem by being more specific with my words so that it flows well. As you may have noticed already, I added one more sentence to my second and last stanzas because I wanted to extend my poem a little. Other than that, I basically fixed my grammar, spelling and punctuations because they are important that they make my poem look more interesting to read.

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